Bravo TV's A Night with My Ex Cast Member, Renatta Nikole

1. Dr. Quandi: Who is Renatta Nikole and what made you want to take part in Bravo’s reality TV show, A Night with My Ex? Renatta Nikole: What can I say about myself? Ummm let's see…..this is hard (Renatta laughs). Well, I am a jack of all trades. I am an Artist, Cosmetologist, Writer, Designer, Payroll Administrator, and an Actress. I am creative and love creating innovative ideas and products. I am considered “quick on my toes” and spunky, which some may confuse it with the “short person complex” (Renatta laughs). I was born and raised in Chicago, have a degree in Marketing and Advertisement with a minor in Fashion. I enjoy being in a happy space and don’t take well when my happy vibe is disturbed.

So, I joined Bravo’s Reality TV Show, “A Night with My Ex,” because the show contacted me. One of my exes was trying to get back in contact with me, and they [Bravo] inquired if I was ok with being in the same place with him [the ex]. At first, I was hesitant because I had just started dating someone new, but because things between us wasn’t official yet, I was curious to see what this “ex” of mine had to say and why had he gone so far to get my attention.


2. Dr. Quandi: How has your participation of this reality TV show shaped your views on healthy relationships? RN: Participating in this show has taught me how to really value myself and to be aware of who I allow to become a part of my life. It taught me how to value others and to be considerate of their feelings. Also, being a part of the show taught me to listen to someone when speaking, how it's important to be heard, how to be transparent and open, to be honest and upfront, to be supportive, and to love unconditionally. No one is perfect. If you are looking for perfection, you will end up having nothing but “exes.” The show taught me to find someone who’s excited about me, attracted to me unconditionally, interested in me always, and to not be allergic of other’s flaws. Whatever their flaws and dislikes are, you must be able to look over them, work through them, and be fine with them. It’s important to seek God first and not social media. Lean not to your own understanding when picking a mate, especially if you are yearning for a soul mate and a life partner. Being equally yoked is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT! The Six “C” words that I concentrate on to have a healthy relationship is Christ as a foundation; Communication that is not corrupt; Consideration of each other; Care for each other and about each other; Compliments from each other should outweigh the ones you get from outsiders; and Consistency creates security.


3. Dr. Quandi: When it comes to exes, it seems that the reason for the breakups or disagreements tend to be Love; can you describe what Love is and its contribution to breakups – is Love really the blame? RN: Love is whole heartedly about patience, care, words of affirmation, gifts, [positive] behavior, trust, affection, endearment, adoration, favor, and support. It’s the driving force in relationships, items, foods, and anything else we are interested in. I love my family; I’m in love with my man; and I love me some tacos too!

I feel that people break up due to the lack of Love from someone within the relationship. If you truly love someone, there isn’t a give-up bone in your body. Leaving [the relationship] isn’t an option. Working the relationship out is the only option. Seeking things through is the goal. People break up over so many reasons, whether the issues be petty or major. The foundation of the relationship must be strong. If your foundation is thin as tissue paper, it will break, but if it's built strong as bricks, it will last. You, as well as your mate, must want the relationship to last. These days, people don’t fight to stay together; they just fight to prove a point. With all the technology options, such as social media, it’s easy to direct your focus towards another individual; it’s easy to think you can get someone else better. It has become easier to break up than to stay together. I blame it on the foundation of the relationship, because of the type of relationship you and your partner build plays a key role on the type of love that will grow.


4. Dr. Quandi: The old saying goes: leave the past in the past. If one has gained wisdom from a past relationship and have truly moved on, what would be the need to spend one night with an ex? Is it still possible to create a healthy relationship with this ex and not necessarily a romantic relationship? RN: The past is the past for a reason, most definitely. I guess I just went for closure, because this man went way out to gain my attention. I wanted to hear and see what he had to say. After reuniting with him, I realized he was the same person as when we dated before. Nothing was different. After the show, I decided to leave this ex as my ex. I had to open my heart to something new and unfamiliar because familiarity was hurting me.

I do believe you can have a healthy, non-romantic relationship with someone that is an ex. Both partners must be mature and really be on the same page with their motives. The new relationship with the ex must be respectful to the new person you may be currently dating. Make sure the development of this new relationship with your ex is worth the insecurity it may cause in your current situation, because if it’s not, you may as well let the past be the past.


5. Dr. Quandi: Is there a difference between rise in love and fall in love. Distinguish the two. RN: Rise in love: this starts from the basics by building your way to the top with someone. Agreeing to work on love is to rise in it. Rising in love is a more stable kind of love, because it is continuing to grow. I would rise in love with someone I can see in my life forever. Unlike the act of rising in love, the act of falling in love usually comes out of the blue. It just happens. And, just as fast as you can fall in love, you can fall out of love. It’s [falling in love] the weakest form of being in love versus rising in love. You may fall in love with a few, but you won’t rise in love with many.


6. Dr. Quandi: It’s easy to become a victim of circumstance, shoving blame on an ex, when in fact the relationship you’ve built with your ex is a direct reflection of the relationship you’ve built with the Self. Dr. Quandi’s, How 2 Fish: The Book, talks about 6 Inner Power Principles, one being Self First, which embraces nurturing first the Self mentally and emotionally, and in return, building a healthier relationship with the Self. What advice can you give to the audience of this show about being a conqueror versus a victim of circumstance? RN: The way you see yourself, value yourself, work on yourself, and correct your imperfections, will mirror the type of relationships you entertain. If you don’t love yourself, you will not have room to love others without feeling like the victim of circumstance. To conquer, you must be confident and have faith in yourself. Know that you can be the best at what you set yourself out to be. Do all that you can do. Say all that could be heard. When you have done all those above things, you’ll never see yourself as a victim. If you and your mate have two different value systems, it’s okay to part ways, unless you are committed to doing something different to benefit yourself and the relationship.